The Cruellest Month?

Does February’s start seem a time of re-balancing, of multiple questions and decisions? The Groundhog asks, “Should I come out, or should I stay in?” The Christian celebration of Candelmas queries, “Should Christmas décor come down, or not?” The tax man cometh, and questions if we’re ready? The black-eyed stare of looking at last year through financial-glasses is usually a cold reality check, begging us to re-balance before moving on. And a last, futile question from those in cold climes, “Is spring here yet?”

Despite anxious uncertainty, we’ve stepped into a new year. Now what?” February is tough. It may not compete with T.S. Elliot’s opening salvo from the Waste Land, “April is the cruellest month,” but frankly, despite Elliot’s exquisite writing, “Breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire…” I’ll take April over any February day. This is a month we need to hunker into and honor resilience. The February over-tones of not knowing, of not being sure-footed require we look outside known parameters, and expected habitual structure. This requires expanded thinking and a willing body.

The demand to change is a good thing, just don’t ask me to do it. When I am forced into it, I am happy after the fact, not during. Ergo-I’ll be happy in April, after February forces its decisions on me, and my anxiety will have faded. When I am already different, I will be happy.  If I wait for that, I’ll be dead.

I’ve decided to change now. February’s questioning of an old, ingrained habit ~that of flying without a net, has met its mistress. Gently and relentlessly I’ve been nudged into dealing differently with fear. The old ‘Thelma & Louise-Me,’ who did not know enough not to drive off the cliff when fear pressed petal to the metal, has fashioned a new safety net, a container to hold what was terrifying, that pushed me into leaping wildly. Sometimes I landed on my feet, but many times~ disaster.

I’ve been in this alchemical shift for a while. Deep fears take time to open, cleanse, and re-style. A major portion of this shift has been to deepen the feminine within; to listen and really hear what is expressed, to accept my gifts as well as faults, and to allow myself to be held in web of friends and strangers that support me, that are clapping even before I enter the room. Usually, I waited for the “Booo’s.” Most of us fear we will not be loved, or accepted. It is the human condition. This is the fear  most in need of transforming in order for the world to right itself. When we meet ‘the other’ as accomplice, we are free to express our true nature, and the dharma of our gifts. In this partnership, this world of accomplices, we take flight into a wild blue to land with soft gears and a big grin.  There’s hope for February yet.

Shakti Yoga Dances landing with soft gears and a grin in Spain:   http://tu-mismo.es/revista/102-febrero-2016